How to make a classic kiwi DIY bong

How to construct a working bong, out of things you have lying around in about 15 minutes, which you can send freepost to Jenny Shipley to protest about the NZ government's plan to ban bongs.

You Will Need:

Any old small plastic drink container from the local dairy with a good sized mouth (it is a good idea to have more than one in case of mistakes).

An aluminium drink can

A piece of garden hose cut to the same length as the bottle.

Whatever cutting, scoring, gripping and burning tools you have lying around, (the fiddlier the better). This is what we used.

A pair of compasses is very useful.

Putting the tube in the bottle:

This is the most difficult part of the operation, and may take some practice (hence the extra bottles). Stand by a sink with the cold tap running and the garden hose beside you ready, then:

Melt a patch in the bottle about 1/2 to 2/3 of the way up the bottle.

When the plastic starts to melt, but before it burns or ruptures...

... stab the melted patch with the garden hose and force the hose down to the bottom of the bottle, then quickly...

... cool the bottle in cold water to set the plastic rigid. It should look like this.

Hopefully you will have an air-tight seal, test this by putting your finger over the end of the tube and sucking through the mouth of the bottle.

If it isn't airtight, you'll have to try again with a new bottle!

Make a hole on the opposite side of the bottle from the tube to act as the shotgun hole.

Making the cone

Cut the ends off the can and cut up the side and fold out, so that you have a sheet of aluminium that you can work with.

Again, you might have to practice making the cone and so you might use the whole sheet.

Score a circle about 4 to 5 cm across in the sheet using the pair of compasses, and cut it out. A larger circle means a longer cone.

Cut into the centre of the circle, then roll up into a cone. Make it as wide as you want, so it fits in the tube. Trim off the excess, but leave some overlapping.

Snip off the end of the cone.

In order to hold the over-lapping layers of the cone together, cut some little folding tabs in both layers, and fold and press them down hard. This is where the dainty pliers help. Be careful you don't cut yourself!

You can also fold down all the edges all the way round the cone so that there are no sharp surfaces.

Finally, burn all the nasty gunk off the cone, like paint, preservatives etc, so that it is safe to use.

Your cone is now finished. Look after your cone ... it can last you a lifetime.

Assembling the bong

Fold up a square of toilet paper. Fill the bottom third of the bong with water, then hold the paper square gently over the end of the tube and blow into the mouth of the bong so that the paper square gets damp. Remember to hold your thumb over the shotgun hole, or nothing will happen.

Now stab the damp paper with the pointy end of the cone, and press it in so it sticks.

The purpose of the paper is not just to hold the cone tightly in the tube. Keeping the paper wet means that you will never heat the rubber hose up, so that you never inhale burning rubber fumes.

Your classic kiwi DIY bong is now ready to use. Score some prime NZ green, fill the cone, spark up and enjoy your labours!